My boss's boss has told me to be less serious

techiebloke

My department have gone out on what sounded like a bar crawl tonight which they have been planning for a number of weeks.
Went to ask my boss something and her boss asked if I was joining them, I said no as was feeling a bit rough as didn't sleep well last night which is true as I was thinking about a few things.

While I don't rip people's heads off if someone comes and talks to me or asks for my help I do tend to keep myself to myself and am very serious about what I do and when discussing it with others.

She expressed disappointment that I wasn't coming and said that in the New Year she expects me to have more of a laugh and joke with colleagues and get involved in such things.

I replied I'd put it on my personal development objectives.

I was a bit suprised, anyone else had similar comments made to them?

revjonty

techiebloke
Sounds to me like someone using their position inappropriately, to pressure you into doing something which you don't feel comfortable with with.
#metoo

only_justme65

techiebloke

Your doing your job,
You have your reasons for not joining your colleagues,
You should not be expected to go into intricate detail as to why you will not be joining them,
The last thing you should be doing,
Is to worry about anyone elses opinion...

You just enjoy your Christmas,, and have a daily soberish new year,,

Take care, you & family...

frenchielove

techiebloke I think she has got a bloody cheek! No one can dictate how you behave to that degree.

bigdaddy0714

techiebloke I was told this years ago when I first started out and my reply was. It’s not a game and if I’m not serious about what I do someone could get really hurt or even not make it home and I don’t want that on my shoulders. And if I hadn’t been serious about it I wouldn’t be where I am now so I was right. Don’t let it bother you we all have different ways of doing things 😁

bazthebear2

techiebloke I hate these dos.

basil1921

techiebloke I suppose the problem is a lot of workplaces see socialising as bonding and those who do it are looked on more favourably. I have to admit, my experience is that after work drinks are where the real information is exchanged and connections are made.

stephenpperry

techiebloke sounds harsh and inappropriate to me. You don’t have to go and drink with people from work if you don’t want to.

caro120

techiebloke

I've worked in unprofessional places where I just didn't fit in. left in end cos I wanted to just go in and do my job, not get involved in conflict, bullying, nasty behaviour. Was shocked really.

Maybe boss was joking and didn't want you to feel excluded.

You could always lark around and then quote what she said or if she wants you to do that then she has to set boundaries. Can be a trap, it's tricky isn't it..

If your work is good and fulfilling contract they can't really do much. On other hand if people are messing about sometimes it's hard to concentrate. Depends what they doing or what sort of banter.

Have you been there long?

I was never keen on getting sloshed with work people, just doesn't feel right and my time out of work hours is mine not theirs... they always seem to go somewhere I'm not keen on and it costs, doesn't get laid on..

suppers_ready

I was going to post a link to that "do you want be in my gang, my gang, my gang" song. Clearly inappropriate though.

Could be alcohol talking, and that always talks rubbish. Mind your back for a few weeks, probably nowt though.

extreme_one

It sounds as though she has your best interest at heart, but not being there ...

Did you feel like she had crossed a line, or did you appreciate her input?

I suppose an employer would rather they had happy employees, that enjoy their time at work.

techiebloke

extreme_one The woman concerned has a reputation within the organisation for being shall we say 'formidable'
I had to deal with her on business continuity matters for my old department and she has been on the interview panel for a couple of jobs I went for (including my current one)
My impression has been that she has no tolerance for BS and can whiff it a mile off, I never have tried to BS her so not had an issue.

I'll go if they do something in the summer but while I'm definitely not teetotal I've got zero interest in getting absolutely blotto in public or following around those that are, especially in the cold and wet.

I'll go in the summer and leave when I've had enough, think that's a compromise.

haridus

Tell them you're thinking of leaving 😉

nefarius

Did her boss vote leave?

claire1uk

As long as you do your job well when your at work, it is up to you whether you socialise with work colleagues.
There is nothing wrong with keeping yourself, to yourself.
I always found partying with work colleagues, isn't all it's cracked up to be.

@techiebloke

extreme_one

techiebloke that still consitutes having fun ! 😉

You don't have to get blotto to have fun. And those that do take it too far, at work events, end up losing respect anyway.

gvmhb

I used to be far too serious when I was young but I've chilled to a degree now I'm older.
You came up with a very good reply but I'm sure there is plenty of mileage in trying to lighten up a little. (It would probably help you with the ladies too 😉)

standardbearer

@techiebloke
Techie I went 3 years not touching alcohol. They had to get used to me drinking pints of water at parties.
Usual oh just have one but I didnt.
It was amusing watching others get drunk.
I was a popular driver no alcohol.
In fact I quoted Rainman "I'm an excellant driver."
You could turn your participation into your own private comedy show watching others go under.
Merry Christmas enjoy those days off you mentioned on the other thread.

only_justme65

standardbearer
It's been over twenty years since the last time I have been inebriated,
For reasons I'd rather not go into,
Its made a difference for myself, also a difference for those I care about,
So far,, I've managed to lead my life in way which has not lead to the issues which were there when I did partake,,
No idea whether it might change,
But,, I'm doing what I do, & I'm a better person for it,,

Those reading this, there are choices which are there to be made,,
Some of those choices might lead to benefits, as well as consequence,

But the choices are there to be made,

Best wishes...

Happy Christmas to all..

tonicurtis1967

Totally agree @clare1uk

andyslc

@techiebloke I think I’d have skipped the bar crawl as well. If they had been going out for a meal would it have been different?

It wasn’t a team building exercise it was a bar crawl. I don’t think she can expect you to take part in social functions out of work. It ain’t in your contract so stick by your guns. If you don’t feel like it you don’t feel like it.

standardbearer

techiebloke
Techie just a reminder rule of thumb as you know from experience of life , If your going to leave, make sure your set up with a new job, bills to be paid and all that.

only_justme65
Justy I can read through some of the lines on your post. You may be taking every day as it comes even after 20 years. I know you wont give in but accept my support too..
Well done mate.
This in my mind explains quite a lot..
Take care Happy Christmas

techiebloke

Interesting thoughts, cheers all.
I'll prob compromise a bit but it's my intention to move on next year anyway if I can so it might not be an issue.

nefarius

techiebloke it's my intention to move on next year anyway

Tell her to get stuffed 🤪