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Festive Spirit Guidelines.

Started by: alicantesteve
On: 03/12/2018 | 22:56
Replies: 11
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by: alicantesteve
on: 03/12/2018 | 22:56

 

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers.

Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

 

Benches, stools and orthopedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.

The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

 

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EC legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

 

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

 

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Compliance of these guidelines is advised in order for you to fully participate with the festive spirit. 


Risk Management Team

Message 1 of 12
by: alicantesteve
on: 04/12/2018 | 09:35

At this time of the year it’s difficult to know what to say without offending someone.
So I’ve checked with my legal adviser and on his advice I wish to say the following to all friends and colleagues.

 

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.

 

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2019, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Great Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the 
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

 

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

 

Disclaimer:
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced

Message 3 of 12
by: eileenusher
on: 04/12/2018 | 09:39
@alicantesteve that gave me giggle, both of them.
Message 4 of 12
by: frenchielove
on: 04/12/2018 | 10:03

Great stuff, as always @alicantesteve cheers 😂😂😂

Message 5 of 12
by: alienlady
on: 04/12/2018 | 11:37

Lmao Smiley LOL brilliant as always @alicantesteve 

Put me down for a few dozen cards Smiley LOL

Message 6 of 12
by: alicantesteve
on: 04/12/2018 | 19:14

Thanks guys,much appreciated.

Will probably ignore most myself as we are Vienna bound at the weekend and I’m told there’s very little nonsense there.

Message 9 of 12
by: gvmhb
on: 04/12/2018 | 19:24

Very good @alicantesteve thanks for posting Smiley Very Happy

Get a free giffgaff Sim
Message 10 of 12