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My beloved Mrs D is at peace.

Started by: dtuxcomp
On: 14/12/2018 | 12:15
Replies: 354
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by: tired16
on: 10/01/2019 | 20:49

@dtuxcomp wrote:

@tired16 The first one was lovely until I was transferred to a central booking office as that was the only place they did the direct cremation without ceremony Smiley Sad then it all went belly up, but if they'd listened to me from the start it would have saved everyone so much wasted time.

I think if people can't listen in a field like this- they're working in the wrong field! You'd expect a bit more empathy and sympathy and least of all some professionalism! Sorry you had to go through this. Smiley Sad

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Message 311 of 355
by: dtuxcomp
on: 11/01/2019 | 21:46
Today I had another appointment with the advisor from the HA, and we managed to get a provisional date for the cremation, set the claim for financial help for the costs in motion and get a few more things sorted as well, it makes such a difference having someone who knows what they are doing to lend a hand, and to swap to a FD that isn't tied into following a script at head office.

The questions on the application for help with costs were ridiculous though, at one point I was asked how often Mrs D went out and about to meet people and how many times she'd gone on holiday with someone other than me in the last year. Having told them she had basically been housebound and didn't see people any more, I was then asked how much time we spent together, so I told them I was her carer 24 hours a day. Next up they were asking how many times we'd been off on holiday in the last year, after I'd said she couldn't leave the home Smiley Surprised Smiley Surprised Smiley Surprised

I know they like to keep asking the same questions in different ways to try to catch people out but even the advisor who deals with this sort of stuff every day was sat open mouthed at several points and kept checking if I needed a break. I'm not sure how many different ways you can try to ask if there's any one with a bundle of £50's they could pass of the burden onto, they were even asking about the kid's situations. I managed to hold my tongue and not start to get sarcastic but it was an effort Smiley Wink Smiley Happy

I won't trust the date yet as there's a lot of paperwork to go back and forth but at least things are moving now.

Boy was I ready to settle with a beer and the guitar this evening.
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Message 312 of 355
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by: frenchielove
on: 12/01/2019 | 06:59

That sounds absolutely awful for you @dtuxcomp I am so sorry, just what you need at this time 

Message 313 of 355
by: vickyjakesmum
on: 12/01/2019 | 11:32

Stupid FD's @dtuxcomp glad your sorted with a better one, very poor for them not to be able to go forward just because your on a low income! Aren't thousands of people in the same boat? Utterly disgraceful.

When my father in law died, he was taken to the funeral home from the hospice, we went up to say our goodbyes, walked into the room and he has a sprig of Scottish Heather in his hand and a letter in his other hand saying something along the lines of 'love you grandad, take this Heather with you to keep you safe'

Stupid me was looking at this letter thinking 'oh isn't that nice' and then it dawned on me, who the hell had written it! My husband was livid, he whipped the Heather out of his hand with the letter, and went off to find the FD. 

Of course they'd placed it in the wrong coffin, and apologies were given.

But it made us wonder if the Heather actually got to go with the correct grandad?

The mind boggles. 

Actually probably not the best tale to be telling you. My point was FD aren't all good, they quite often '*ock' things up. 

Mrs D's purple pound box will be just fine and dandy, the FD tried to sell us a shaker box for about 20 quid, which was basically a Pringle tube with holes in the bottom. Hell no, we might look stupid but we're not.

When we scattered my Dad's ashes in a woodland that he played in as a child, my brother opened the urn and threw them up in the air (I kid you not) the whole lot just blew back all over us, we laughed our heads off, it was so funny, and my Dad would have laughed too. It even went in my husband's mouth, he was spitting and coughing. 😂😂

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Message 314 of 355
by: tired16
on: 12/01/2019 | 19:28

That's ridiculous! Those questions are so inappropriate! Smiley Sad Especially after you'd answered some already- it didn't make sense to ask the rest after that! 

I hope things get easier @dtuxcomp

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Message 315 of 355
by: jesi23
on: 12/01/2019 | 20:06
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@dtuxcomp wrote:

@frenchielove Thank you hon, I've had no choice but slow things down as I have achieved pretty much all I can by myself in terms of the cremation arrangements etc I've got an appointment with an advisor from the HA next Wednesday morning, and they are coming out to the flat which is great, hopefully they will know how to get things rolling in the right direction.

So for now I'll concentrate on pottering round here and gradually sorting out some more stuff, the chaos and clutter is starting to drive me proper Bodmin now, I could block it out when she was here as it wasn't a priority, but now everywhere I look there's "something" Smiley Wink never mind, baby steps, I've already got another 3 bags ready for collection, so that's more clothes and bedding going to a good home, well not a home as it's for the homeless but you know what I mean, I hope Smiley Happy I was worried it was one of those pop up ones that only operates over Xmas but they run it all year, even have a bus that's sleeping 7 people at the moment and local residents take turns providing hot meals for it, wonderful, but what a shame on our country that there's need for so many of these charities.

I've tried to make sure I pickup the guitar most days, even started adding some chords to the words I wrote just before she died last night, first thing I've written in donkey's years Smiley Happy It's a long way from ready to record yet, I've also got to get round to editing the latest batch of recordings too, I think I may be doing too good a job of keeping busy Smiley Wink I've got no flippin' time to do it all Smiley Happy Smiley Happy Typical me, can never land in the middle Smiley Happy

How are you coping with everything, I'm always here if you need a chat via PM. The same applies to anyone else who needs to natter / rant / howl at the moon Smiley Happy

D.

‼️‼️‼️ As far as PMs go, they aren’t going for me right now! I have just started a thread in the Community Platform discussion group! I’d send you one, but at the moment they just are not working! ‼️‼️‼️

I am thinking of you also, needless to say … 

I am slightly apprehensive about the change to Vanilla … and anticipating as well … anything new is slightly threatening in a way … but I have always risen to a challenge, so I know I should cope ok …

🤡Jes

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Message 316 of 355
by: jesi23
on: 12/01/2019 | 20:25

@dtuxcomp when each of my eldest daughter’s in-laws died this year (m-in-l April, d-in-l August) it took a month before the funeral could be held - not because of all this kind of palaver - but because they had opted to be buried.

 

Our local cemetery only does two burials each day: one in morning and one in afternoon: had they opted for cremation, it would have been quicker … they do those every half hour (and heat the local swimming pool in the bargain!).

 

They have designed and had a headstone erected for them. My son-in-law and his sister (who is a professional artist) drew the design together of a Celtic cross with a dove across the top section; then their names, dates, and a verse chosen.

 

🤡

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Message 317 of 355
by: vickyjakesmum
on: 12/01/2019 | 20:26

My God ! You really do need to drink some type of alcohol after an interview like that. I'm gobsmacked to be honest, what a load of ******ks. Flaming hell! 

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Message 318 of 355
by: dtuxcomp
on: 12/01/2019 | 22:49

@frenchielove wrote:

That sounds absolutely awful for you @dtuxcomp I am so sorry, just what you need at this time 

@frenchielove Thank you hon, fortunately I was expecting it to a certain extent as I'd been sent a copy of the application form a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't make head or tail of it, but as I'd skimmed through I was at least not shocked by the questions, it's just yet another step on the way.

 

I'm finally getting through all the washing that was created by sorting out everything to go to the charity, the poor washing machine hasn't known what's hit it this last month, our usual average was like two loads a week tops, I've been doing at least one a day most days, I did take the odd day off as with the central heating out I'm drying it all on 3 oil filled electric radiators Smiley Happy A couple of days ago I thought I'd done the last load then I had to go into one of the big drawers under the bed for something, found a couple of towels I didn't know was in there Smiley Sad so I figured I'd better check all 4 drawers, came out with a ton more towels and other clothes, and those bleepin' mice must have got in there when they were roaming the flat in the summer because I found droppings, so I've now got to drag all 4 drawers out at some point and go through everything Smiley Sad Most of it will have to go in the bin so it's lucky there's not a lot of importance in there but at that point I just shoved the drawers shut and figured I'd get round to it Smiley Wink Smiley Happy

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Message 319 of 355
by: dtuxcomp
on: 12/01/2019 | 23:12

@vickyjakesmum wrote:

Stupid FD's @dtuxcomp glad your sorted with a better one, very poor for them not to be able to go forward just because your on a low income! Aren't thousands of people in the same boat? Utterly disgraceful.

When my father in law died, he was taken to the funeral home from the hospice, we went up to say our goodbyes, walked into the room and he has a sprig of Scottish Heather in his hand and a letter in his other hand saying something along the lines of 'love you grandad, take this Heather with you to keep you safe'

Stupid me was looking at this letter thinking 'oh isn't that nice' and then it dawned on me, who the hell had written it! My husband was livid, he whipped the Heather out of his hand with the letter, and went off to find the FD. 

Of course they'd placed it in the wrong coffin, and apologies were given.

But it made us wonder if the Heather actually got to go with the correct grandad?

The mind boggles. 

Actually probably not the best tale to be telling you. My point was FD aren't all good, they quite often '*ock' things up. 

Mrs D's purple pound box will be just fine and dandy, the FD tried to sell us a shaker box for about 20 quid, which was basically a Pringle tube with holes in the bottom. Hell no, we might look stupid but we're not.

When we scattered my Dad's ashes in a woodland that he played in as a child, my brother opened the urn and threw them up in the air (I kid you not) the whole lot just blew back all over us, we laughed our heads off, it was so funny, and my Dad would have laughed too. It even went in my husband's mouth, he was spitting and coughing. 😂😂

@vickyjakesmum  As you know by now I've got a very dark sense of humour, so your mention of scattering the ashes reminded me of the TV show Frasier where they had the same thing happen on the way to the service so in the Eulogy he said "She touched us all, and she's still touching some of us now" whilst dusting himself down Smiley Wink Smiley Happy

 

Don't worry, your mention of the heather etc hasn't upset me at all, it's a pity for the loved ones if it didn't get put in the right coffin and I can totally understand why it caused you all distress, so please don't think I mean this in a uncaring way regarding what happened to you. I sent Mrs D off with a copy of her favourite poster in her hand, I'd like to think it's stayed with her, but I expect it's gone by the wayside at some point, probably before the PM, I'll put another copy in her £shop box when she comes home. £20 ???? Smiley Surprised Smiley Surprised Smiley Surprised Smiley Surprised If I spent that sort of money she'd come back to haunt me Smiley Wink Smiley Happy

 

All of this reminds me of one of my favourite jokes by the Cornish comedian Jethro.

 

"

I was working in a funeral home when a widow came in to view her husband, she was saddened that she couldn't afford a black suit to put him in so had to use the blue one. I was so touched I said I'd do what I could before she came back the next day. She was overjoyed the following day when I said I'd sorted it out for her but said I shouldn't have paid for a suit. I said no it's ok, another gent came in wearing a black suit, his widow prefered blue, so I swapped the heads round Smiley Wink Smiley Happy

"

 

 

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Message 320 of 355